The Place of James Pain

If you’re like me…single, use facebook, have lots of friends in relationships…then you wouldn’t have failed to notice all the dating adverts that appear for you on facebook. What makes it a little depressing is the use of pictures containing scantly clad young women that possibly didn’t give their consent for use of their picture in an advert. Not that it’s depressing that they didn’t consent for the use of the photo, that these adverts are mocking me about what I “could” have.

Away from my inner most feelings.
The purpose of this post is to paste and laugh at some of these adverts.

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This picture could be used as a diagram for how to recolonize a woman, or more specifically, how to tell the difference between a normal woman and a woman who will sleep with you (see what I did there?).
I’m liking how they don’t say that you can get a date “TONIGHT”, they just ask if you want one, supposedly out of interest.

Advertiser: Want a date TONIGHT?
Yourself: Woh! Didn’t see you there…..well, not really. I should be taking out the recycling and hoovering the house tonight.
Advertiser: Oh really? My recycling collection normally comes on Wednesdays
Yourself: So does mine but it was a bank holiday Monday so it’s a day later.
Advertiser: Ah, that would explain why it doesn’t get picked up some times. Thanks.
Yourself: No problem, you new around here?
Advertiser: Yeah, just moved here.
Yourself: Oh right, you want to go get a drink with me or something?
Advertiser: Nah, I should put out the recycling. Might as well try out that new duster too. But you know, some other night. I could hook you up with some girls.

That’s how I see it playing out anyway.

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I find this one very comical, even though I know they’re deadly serious. I can see some people having a soft spot for the farmers daughter that has the key to the hay barn. I could be wrong though, it could in fact be the farmer himself that would be on this website, I can imagine he would bump into his daughter on the site though (Lets not go as far as them knowingly arranging a date together). I just hope that this has only been targeted at me because I’m single and nothing more.
What could have happened though is that some American company has this image of England being 90% farm land and supllies the world with our wheaty goodness. Never the less, I am loving the name.

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There are three things that scare me about this advert.

1. The picture either has some bad lighting, a bad pose or some uneven fake tan cream.
2. Zoosk….I don’t think I’ll ever trust a website with a name like that. It sounds like someone travelling pass you at a high speed sneezing.
3. Their knowledge of Essex is inaccurate. If it’s sexy and local, it’s not single.

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I know it’s not a dating advert but correct me if I’m wrong; I’m seeing 5 fully clothed women and one naked man play poker. Either he’s very bad at poker, he’s living his life to the full with his 5 wives or it’s some crazy nightmare. If it was a dream, the women would either be minimally dressed or not dressed at all.